editing-on-a-paper

down there are some instruction to edit on the paper. therefore i would like it to be fixed according to these notes.

As for the writing, it feels like you jump right into the heart of the argument here. Make sure you take some time to introduce the paper rather than jumping to the “several requests for euthanasia.” That catches a reader off guard and therefore I think some of the first paragraph is lost. I also struggled to pick up on what you were specifically arguing. Make sure your thesis makes a claim, notes how you’ll support it, suggests why it’s important, and even discusses the counter argument.

The first two paragraphs discuss the “slippery slope” which I don’t think is quite clear yet. Before using that as a form of support make sure it’s clear to the reader what it is and how it applies here.

Sometimes it’s not exactly clear how you’re using research to build your argument. For example, on pg. 4 you have the example of “Mrs. A” but the paragraph ends after the information is provided. Make sure that after you include something from a source you’re explaining how that drives your claim forward. How are you using the information to build your case?

As for your personal stake to close out the paper, I would avoid that. Remember, this is a research based paper so the only place where your opinion should be present is in the research you include. Do you have any questions about this? Please do let me know.

I think the main trouble spot here is having a focused argument. Can you be more specific than just saying whether or not PAS should be allowed?

 

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